Article: How To Be The Most "Scene" Individual At A Show

Here at WHYH, the question has been coming up more and more: "How exactly do you guys do it? How do you convince people at shows and on the 'Net that you're so obviously and unquestionably 'Scene'?". The answer to all this, and more, is bribery, forgery, identity theft, and the odd mafia-style disposal of uncooperative individuals in the Glenmore Reservoir, feet encased in a block of cement.

Sadly, these methods can be difficult for most people to execute. Especially for those without the gigantic money-laundering operation we currently run out of Philip's basement. However, by following the following easy steps, you too can impress upon everyone at live shows just how 'Scene' you are.


1) Don't leave a single occupant of the venue in doubt as to how much of a fangirl/fanboy you are. (This can be achieved by yelling out offers of marriage, childbearing, or declarations of love at whatever moment you evaluate to be the most inopportune and distracting). Other than this, however, do not sing along or otherwise act like a fan of the band.

2) Wear a t-shirt depicting the band that you are going to see, just in case anyone in the audience doubts either a) what show theyr'e about to see or b)how hardcore of a fan of [insertbandhere] you are.

3) On second thought, make sure to buy said shirt AT the show, and put it on overtop of whatever you were wearing before.

4) Make sure never to actively participate as an audience member, lest those around you get the idea that concerts are meant to be fun. The best way to achieve this is to stand with your arms crossed at 90 degrees to your body, looking up at the artist/band with your head cocked slightly to one side. This accentuates the graceful fall of your Scenester Hairstyle.

5) Openly diss the opening band, no matter what their skill level or quality.

6) Cut infront of people shorter than you, or shift in order to block their view of the stage.

7) Distinguish any traits about your fellow audience members, then proceed to bemoan them at top volume. This can include hair that isn't perfectly straightened/cut to Accepted Scenester Length Standards (ASLS), height, how much the band depicted on their t-shirt sucks, etc.

8) In fact, just act like the biggest douchebag possible.

9) Look down on anyone swaying, let alone *gasp* dancing to the music being played.

10) Look down on everyone, period.


Well, we hope this guide has been helpful and informative...we hereby provide our guarantee that by following these easy guidelines, you too can become the most obviously 'Scene' Scene kid at the next concert you attend.

Or, y'know, the biggest asshole ever. Whatever.


[Disclaimer: Anyone who takes this seriously is a total asshat. ^^]